Last night was the
final night of what it seemed to be my childhood. I mean I am already 18 and
there is no way I am going to stop acting like a kid, but today I will move in
to my dorm room, say goodbye to my parents, and start living on my own. I have more
responsibilities but so much more freedom. The funny thing is that I've been
waiting for this day for what seems like forever. At the beginning of Junior
year, I was already thinking about college and dreaming of what it would have
to offer. Senior year came, and I was excited to be the top dog and was ready
to make the most of all my experiences. Then there was Graduation, a day spent
with big smiles, hoping for the future, and capturing pictures of the friends
who were all taking separate journeys. This summer I spent counting down the
days just wanting this day to happen. I
was so bored and so ready to just start this new chapter. And there I was, the
night before the day my life would be so different and would never really
return to what had been so normal to me. I felt stuck. I was scared and worried and upset and excited and driving myself crazy. It's
the what ifs and the unknowns that really sneak up on you and leave you utterly
terrified.
Now It's the
morning, the car is packed, and I'm ready to have one of those moments like in
sappy commercials where the new freshman looks back at the house she has lived
in for 18 years with sad eyes and an eager heart and the parents cry when they
finally leave their child outside the dorm. But I want to talk a little about
the emotions and the feelings that go along with new adventures and new steps
in life. I mean you could be a 5 year old taking the first step on the school
bus headed to kindergarten, or a couple moving into their first apartment as
newly weds. It happens to everyone all the time.
What if I'm not good
enough? What if I can't handle this? What if I fail or screw up? What if I'm
fine? The unknowns and the worries suffocate and control you. They want to tear
you down and tell you that you can't do it. They want to scare you and keep you
inside the norm and the safe, but what's the fun in that. I keep telling myself
that this is what is meant to happen. This is going to shape me into who I am
going to be. Adventures await and although new stages are hard to step into,
they can give you so much if you put your whole self into it. The memories will
stay sweet in your mind, but the only way to make more memories and to live is
to jump in whole heartedly. That is what I am doing (or attempting to do). I
won't forget what got me to this point, but I will also adventure off into the
unknown despite my fears because it will get me to where I am supposed to go.
Wish me luck!
"There are
things known and things unknown and in between are the doors."
P.S. Packing is
really hard, and I feel like I am forgetting so much! Also the big Charleston
post is next, and I'm super excited to share my amazing trip! After that expect
first day of school post, and more outfits coming your way! Stick with me through this blogging thing. I'm new and trying my best! Hope you like it 
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